I found myself crying the other night while in bed. I still miss you terribly and sometimes feel abandoned. I know that I don't visit your grave often. The truth is, I believe that you are not really there. I don't feel a connection with going to the cemetery to "talk to you." Do I think you listen? Of course,but I also think that you would listen should I be in the car or in the shower. I hope you are not mad at me for that. I know you use to visit _ _ Y every weekend, so I am sure it was important to you.
I always wonder what my life would have been like had you been alive still today. I hate that you are gone. It still breaks my heart. I hate that my children will never know what an amazingly beautiful, loving, and giving, person you were. They will never hear you call out to us "hello darlings!" or "girls, I brought you a surprise!" It does not seem fair.
The other day we were talking about how much I loved to be with you all the time, and how sister would just stand behind mom and stick her tongue out at you. She is still a brat by the way. I started to fear that I might begin forgetting these stories as I get older, and thought it might be a good idea to start a video diary of stories that I remember as of today. Maybe then, even when I am too old to remember, they will be forever preserved. I will let you know how that turns out.
Until then, bye-bye, I love you, and goodnight.