My son Bean went to bed super early and my daughter Monkey spent the night at her grandmas house leaving me the opportunity to be a posting freak.
Anyway, on to the topic...
I do not pretend to be perfect. I do not pretend to like you if I don't. I do not pretend that you are funny if you are not. I do not pretend to be anything other then me.
What is so wrong with expecting that of others?
This is what has gotten me in to a bit of trouble my entire life.
I was reminded recently just how jealous and mean woman can be to each other. I personally do not put myself in the category with these types of woman. Why? Of course I experience jealousy once in a while or a feeling of short lived envy by the success of some woman. Many of these things are healthy normal human reactions. What makes me different and others like me is that I never wish bad things for these people or create situation where I set them up for failures just to ease my insecurities.
Of course now I am no longer really puzzled by this behaviour but rather nonchalant about it. When I decided to do this particular post, I wanted to describe how it makes me feel when I am mistreated, unfairly targeted, or gossiped about for no apparent reason. It really takes a bit of stomach curling courage to even finish this, but not finishing this would go against what I believe. I believe I have the right to express frustrations, and to let go of the anxiety of "what if Soinso reads this". The truth is "who gives a sh_t?" They do.
Who are "they". "They" are the people who do not want to see others do well. "They" are the people who pretend to like you and then talk about you behind your back. "They" are the people who make you feel as though you cannot trust anyone. "They" are the people who would rather see you fail then ever succeed. "They" are the ones who will take this post the wrong way. I think the kids call "Them" "Haters"....but I hate that word...I guess making me a "Hater" of the word "Hater".
Do these people not understand that the people they hurt or step on are people too? I know that sounds corny and simple, but have we really forgotten that everyone deserves their own happiness? I have been wreaking my brain trying to understand the actions of these types of people. I try to rationalize their hatefulness with thinking that maybe they did not mean to do what they did or said. I am not sure if it is the same in men and women because my experience is limited to only the way certain women treat others.
We that are tormented by this issue would like to believe that this "girl on girl" hate is just a juvenile high school thing, but when you think about it, that is so not the case. My 8 year old daughter Monkey has beautiful curly unruly hair and wears cute modern style glasses while grooving to the beat of her own ipod. I think back to her in the 1st grade and remember her coming home and saying that "Jenny" would not let her be in the cheer leading club. When I pushed for more, she told me that the other girls said "Jenny" ordered them to tell my daughter that she could not be a part of this special cheer leading group. Now this group was nothing more then a recess game, but even at 7 and 8 years old some are already starting to create semi hostile environments where "someone" has to be hurt or left out in order to validate the group.
How can I really expect grown women to behave in a decent humanitarian manner when there are kids they most likely have been that way their entire life. It is these same women who were most likely the "Jenny's" of their schools. Just my humble opinion.
So in closing, im not sure what my real reason or point is for this post, but I do know that I needed the release writing gives me considering the tough week I had. I could not go into detail without implicated others, so I will leave it at that. I really needed to blogvent.
Lets just say some "girls" will never change, and you have to sort of ask yourself "how pathetic and lonesome are they?" Think about how crappy someone must feel in order to create problems for others and make others feel like crap in order to help them validate their own importance and existence. Something is missing in these women, and I pity them. The only thing that "they" do teach me, is an awareness that makes me sure I do all I can to teach my children that hating others and being the "mean girl" is not an option. I personally at one point or another maybe was a little mean to others...when I was in High School...but I quickly realized what that does to others, and it did not make me feel good to hurt others.
Hopefully you work in a healthy environment where as a woman you are given the opportunity to grow not based on the way you look, your personality, who your friends are, or the fact that you will never kiss ass to woman who do not deserve any respect for how they treat people, but rather by your hard work, dedication, integrity, and effort.
I know I feel better dumping this all on you, sorry about that. I apologize for the super long post...but it had to be said. Thanks for reading.