I wake up this morning and feel overwhelmed, as usual. I want to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head, but I can't. I can't because I would be doing an injustice to my daughter by letting her miss school, especially during a time where she has already missed so many days on account of her Panic Attack Disorder. My son is sound asleep and I hate that I have to wake him, but I have to.
The feeling of "having" to do anything out of "responsibilty" is not something that I have adapted well to. If you ask those closest to me, they will tell you that I am a little stubborn and would rather learn from my own experiences, not matter how bad. So, doing anything because I have no choice sucks, and sometimes pisses me off. I know that my kids must get taken care of, and that does not make me angry, but the fact that I cannot just decide and dictate when they get up and decide if I feel like they should go to school annoys me.
I know that sounds weird, but sometimes I AM weird.
Staring at the blinking cursor makes me anxious, wait everything makes me anxious. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and suffer from extreme anxiety every day, that is sometimes social agony. Am I medicated for that anxiety? Yes, but the anxiety and worry never go away.
Sharing that tiny last bit, is really pouring my heart out, because you might read and judge, or you might read and think "wow me too." I was willing to take that chance because it is my life and this is my blog and I will blog if I want to.
I also have an anxiety disorder and it really can be so hard to push through it and get things done. It seems like you are, though, and that's amazing considering just how bit the worry can get. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI love that you're wierd. It's one of your best qualities! And I talked you up in my post today, just cause I love you.
ReplyDelete(http://blog.seattlepi.com/parentingadabsurdum/)
Oh, honey, I'm sure lots of us can relate. I'm starting to believe that there should just be anti-anxiety meds in our water supply.
ReplyDeleteThanks for linking up!
It's okay, we've all been there and yes, you can blog if you want to! Hey, I didn't know they'd have a button for that, but what don't they have these days? Anyway, I tagging behind on the Tuesday blog hop and I am now following your blog.
ReplyDeleteHope you'll come visit my blog and follow me too? Thanks and feel better.
http://hauplight.blogspot.com/
You are not alone. Today before 10 I was reaching for my Ativan. UGH!
ReplyDeleteU all are beyond amazing. I was really nervous about this post but I am now glad that I shared. Things r better now that's it's later in the day and I went for a swim with my son. It's weird the things that make u feel better.
ReplyDeleteThanks again y'all, really. I read every comment and soak it all in.
Dee
Left you an award =)
ReplyDeleteWell I have ADHD...drives me nutty some days! Nothing wrong with pouring your heart out...beats stuffin inside and going crazy;)
ReplyDeleteIf you are weird then so am I. I happen to be medicated to and I refuse to feel any shame about it.
ReplyDelete