Pouring it all out on the table and the floor, and where ever else it leaks.

I feel like I've sort of been pouring my heart out all week. Are you sick of me yet?! You better be nodding no. I figured that since I am feeling particularly sentimental, I would write about why I even bother at all to share personal details with the world.

I use to try writing in a journal when I was in high school. My shrink said "it will help you feel better!" <--whatever. All it helped was the freaking pain in my hands from squeezing the pen too tight. Has that ever happened to you? I have been a nervous and anxious person since I was about 8 years old...yes, I was a freako even back then. I use to obsess about all sorts of stuff, and I would have weird scary dreams that seemed strange for a child to be having. I would get all worked up in dance class when one of the stupid girls messed up and threw the rest of the line off, and felt shrieking fear at night when I knew that my bedtime was nearing. I would actually get sad and scared when it was bed time. I was always afraid that something horrible was going to happen to me, and my parents would not hear me, because they never let me sleep with them! Oh I know you want to laugh, I would!

I remember talking to the shrink (a fat lady that wore way too much bright blue eye shadow) at a young age and her saying "don't you want to feel normal?" What exactly is normal? I told her "you mean not everyone feels nervous and panic all the time?"

I am sooooo off topic its unreal! Focus Dee, Focus! I have always "shared" what bothered me verbally, but sometimes that just gets me into trouble. Now that I can type what I want to say, things just make more freaking sense...to me at least. Its clearer and I can always set the record straight when there is something others might be "wondering" (to put it nicely.) Can you tell that I was gossiped about lots in my teenage and young adult life? Paranoid party of 1, your table is ready! I always felt cheated when I was not able to share my side of the story...now on my blog, you get it straight from the "object of your affection's" mouth. haha! Kidding! Sort of.

Just take a journey through my archives and I am sure you will get your share of drama, and you will be hooked. Or maybe that is just my wishful thinking. Don't we all hope our lives are that interesting? Wouldn't it be nice to know that if your life were a book people would read? Blogging helps me remember my life. I swear I have short term memory loss. I am freaking Dori from Finding Nemo I tell you! Just ask those closest to me.

Now what was I talking about again?! Damnit!!!